Christina Martin: Failures, Forgiveness, and Finding My Way in Season 4

Have you ever set an ambitious goal only to fall completely short? In this heartfelt season premiere, I'm taking a different approach by sharing both my triumphs and failures from the past year. From the exhilaration of recording my Storm album live with a full band and string quartet to the quiet joy of watching my 77-year-old mother courageously complete her cancer treatments, life has offered much to celebrate.

But what about those ambitious songwriting goals I set? Despite promising myself to write eight songs monthly, I finished exactly zero. This failure led me to a fascinating discovery about Finland's International Day for Failure—a celebration of setbacks as essential steps toward success. Through examining my creative disappointments and financial risks that haven't yet paid off, I've uncovered valuable lessons about my natural rhythms, the importance of strategic decision-making, and the freedom that comes with simplifying.

The podcast landscape is shifting this season. While I'll continue featuring inspiring guests, I'm creating more space for personal reflections, songwriting insights, and those quiet thoughts that visit during early mornings or late-night ceiling-staring sessions. I'm also inviting you deeper into this conversation—call the Heartbeat Hotline (1-902-669-4769) with questions, topic suggestions, or just to say hello. Remember when people used to call each other spontaneously? Let's bring that back.

Success, I've learned, isn't measured by constant busyness but by what truly matters: healthy relationships, exciting projects, financial stability, and creative fulfillment. As we move forward together in Season 4, I'm embracing "less is more" and finding that hard work coupled with self-forgiveness creates the perfect foundation for authentic growth. Join me on this journey of connection, creativity, and courage—whether you're stuck in the middle of your muck or celebrating on the other side of your fears.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Season 4 of A Chat with Heart
• 2:45 Season Four Kickoff and Personal Reflections
• 5:00 Celebrating Last Year's Wins
• 11:54 Finland's Day for Failure
• 14:40 Songwriting Struggles and Lessons
• 19:00 Financial Risks and Creative Growth
• 25:00 Finding Balance Through Forgiveness
• 27:10 The Importance of Simplicity and Connection

Transcript

Christina: 0:02

Hey, you're listening to A Chat with Heart. I'm your host, christina Martin. I'm a singer-songwriter, curious human. I live on a dirt road in rural Nova Scotia with my partner in crime, dale, and our calico cat, olivia. This podcast is basically just me chatting with people I admire. I like to ask questions that feed my curiosity, and my guests have all taught me something. They either crack me up or they punch me right in the feels. If you've got questions, comments or a burning desire to join the conversation, please call my heartbeat hotline, day or night. It's 1-902-669-4769. You can also email me at christinamartinmusic at gmailcom, and if you want to throw a little love my way and help keep this thing going, visit my Patreon page. That's how artists like me get paid. Thanks for showing up Warning heartfelt content ahead. If we just talk about it, we could shut it in. We could break a dark day.

Christina: 1:23

Hey friends, welcome to season four of a chat with heart podcast. It's just me today, no guest, just you and me hanging out. I wanted to ease into this new season a little differently. I'm still going to have incredible guests, people who are inspiring, cool, lovely, even titillating, but I'm also thinking I'd like to spend more time just sharing me with you Maybe bits of my life songwriting, my experiences as an entrepreneur songwriting my experiences as an entrepreneur specifically in my little music biz, and the stuff I think about in those quiet early mornings alone or my late night layarounds when I'm staring at the ceiling and I can't fall asleep and listen. I really want you to feel comfortable reaching out to me, which will only shape this podcast and make it stronger. So don't be shy or be yourself whatever.

Christina: 2:34

Call the Heartbeat Hotline. It's not just a gimmick. I swear I won't answer, but you can leave a message. You can call or text that number. It's in the show notes and it's at the top of the beginning and the end of every episode of a chat with her podcast. And so, yeah, just leave me a message. You can ask me a question about anything, suggest a topic for the podcast or just say hi. Seriously, I miss the days like when people would just call you, you know, like they weren't texting to make a plan to call. It wasn't on the calendar. You just phone somebody, um, and and do leave a message for the sake of connection. I think that weirds people out like people are shy about that. I love leaving voice notes for any of my close friends listening, they would know. Um, it's one of my favorite things too. I don't like texting like I do text, but I don't love it. I don't like it, but I love leaving voice messages and I do like cold calling people like we did in the good old days.

Christina: 3:40

If you're listening from outside the country I, canada and you don't want to rack up charges on your phone, you can always just email me instead, a voice note or an email message, christinamartinmusic at gmailcom. If you really have time on your hands, I do have some pen pals. So if you want my mailing address, email me and we can start that kind of correspondence. Mailing address, email me and we can start that kind of correspondence. Anyway, unless it's like wildly inappropriate, like in your voice message or your email and honestly I'm kind of into that weird stuff I will read it on a future episode you can ask me anything like life, love, loss. We could talk about depression, daily routines, relationships, house sitting, being a nanny, singing, songwriting, the music biz, making music videos, putting on shows, coffee talk, coffee talk. Or you can even ask me about this new wholesome hobby that Dale and I have stumbled into diamond art. Don't knock it till you try it. Folks, I'm curious to hear about your hobbies.

Christina: 4:59

Okay, so here we are, season 4. There's no real. I was thinking. Thinking is it? Like you know, a lot of podcasts are very specific. This, I think, the specificity of my podcast is it's a chat with heart. I'm interested in trying to, you know, always be as myself as I can be, which is is hard sometimes, particularly if I'm talking to people I don't know super well but I'm really curious about. So, like that's a challenge for me, and I love asking people about pivotal experiences in their work or their life that have shaped their path, and and I talk about a lot of those that have happened to me as well. So, if anything, it's all about authenticity and a chill chat with heart and pivotal experiences that have helped shape us.

Christina: 6:00

Yeah, but for this episode I thought of well, I thought I'd kind of just do a little bit of a catch-up, and I have shared a lot of wins this past year in my personal and professional life. All the love and the projects and the music. You've probably seen it all on either my socials or my Patreon page or we've chatted a bit about it in previous episodes. But I want to, I want to review the wins because it's, this is what I. I do do that every year as a kind of reminder, because if I don't, I honestly get.

Christina: 6:38

I just feel like I'm not done enough or I've not accomplished anything and and that's I don't know. It's not really a great feeling. I think it is important. I don't want to, like this one goes out to my friend Hannah, if she ever listens to this. I don't want to rest on my laurels I don't, actually I never do Because there's as soon as you kind of hit a mark and you've done that thing for me, like I quickly go into oh my God, I'm not doing anything, I'm not doing enough. So anyway, I want to go over it because I do want to celebrate briefly with you and because you, my Little Heartbeat listeners, a lot of you have been a big part of the wins. Heartbeat listeners, a lot of you have been a big part of the wins, and so the biggest one, I think last year, uh, was that not just me alone, but I worked with a real wonderful crew of people, um, to put on this grand performance in in Dartmouth, nova Scotia, at Alderney Landing Theater, and we recorded uh, my storm album live and we filmed it and now that is available. When you buy the digital album on my band camp, I will email you the private link to watch the whole performance, and that was a huge undertaking.

Christina: 7:58

Another win was Dale and I adopted a kitten. We named her Olivia. We got her very young, so we started training her with like a harness and and it sounds like we're treating her like a horse, but like we, we got her used to wearing a harness so that we could, like take her on the trails with us and you know she has like a backpack that we will take. We would take her on hikes and and she would just fall asleep in it and she's as a result. A big win is that she's very good at traveling, she loves it and she's good around other animals. These are in no super particular order because if they were, I should have listed this one as my number one.

Christina: 8:43

But my mom has nearly done her cancer treatments. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last January and one year later she did all these surgeries and lymph nodes removed, breast removed, you know chemo, radiation, all of it. She's 77 now I think she just turned 77. And she's doing great. She's 77 now I think she just turned 77 and she's doing great. She's incredible. She's never complained and it's been one of my honors, my big life honors to be around and and be with her, to witness her strength, and I, you know, I hope she never has to go through something quite like that again, but I know we'll have things we have to go through again and I feel like we're stronger for it. So way to go, mom, and that's it. That was a win.

Christina: 9:44

Another big win was I was able to kick this really bad habit I had. I shouldn't say kick it completely, but I, for many, many, many years, I just, I just really would easily, as soon as I had space in my day or my schedule, I would just fill it right back. You know this kind of had, this fear of if I'm not busy, if I'm not doing, if I'm not taking all the gigs, no matter how soul-sucking some of them might be, um, I, just I, I would make sure to fill the calendar. And I've been working hard to do the complete opposite, to only say yes to things based on the fact that they really, you know, fuel me, either bring immense joy, there's a financial bonus to it as well. I mean because money to me means I can have the freedom to stay healthy a little easier, I can pay my bills, and it's a mental health thing really, and it's something I don't want to be ashamed to say that I like making money, I mean. I think that's what it is for all of us. I'm not.

Christina: 10:57

We did last year, though I played less every show we did was amazing fun. I'm talking about shows like Blueberry Jam and Mabu. I'm talking about the big shiny tunes at the Marquee Ballroom. I'm talking about the storm live at Alderney Landing Theatre and playing with my band at Granville Green in Port Hawkesbury and I'm sure there were others. There were house concerts, there was a tour in the UK and actually we recorded a live at the Green Note in London. So I'm just about to launch that very, very soon. Stay tuned. If you follow me on Patreon, you'll find out where the big launch will be online so you can participate. But that show is just Dale and I. The storm at Alderney Landing show was the full band and a string quartet and a bespoke visual and lighting component as well. But there's something Dale and I don't actually have a show of us for viewers, like a full show yet, and I really love what we got. So, so that's um, that's coming out soon too, and as well as other things, I'm sure. Okay, now we're gonna shift. We're gonna shift to um.

Christina: 12:24

Well, I think we don't always share openly which is our failures. And did you know that Finland has an International Day for Failure? Yeah, it's on October 13th. It was started by students at Aalto University, if I'm saying that right in 2010. And the idea is to celebrate the failures as a step towards success, and I can totally get behind this. And also the goal, I suppose, is to reduce, like, the shame and around failure and encourage people to take risks and be okay with screwing up and to learn, and then to share that.

Christina: 13:10

So here are two questions I invite you to sit with monthly, yearly or whenever I did it for last year. I'm about to share that with you. But the two questions are how have you failed? Ask yourself how I've failed and ask yourself what have I learned from it? Okay, so I'll go first Um, I'm sure there are other things, but I'm just naming the more obvious things that came to my mind. So, how have I failed? Um, okay.

Christina: 13:42

So at the start of 2024, I um, I made a promise to myself to write. Like I got really specific with this goal eight songs a month, which is a very lofty goal, very ambitious, very Virgo of me, though I'm a Gemini, but you know what? I don't think I finished a single song last year, okay. So what did I learn from that? What did I learn from that? Because that can be crushing. Like you set up a goal for yourself and or multiple goals, and then, and then you feel like crap because you didn't achieve any of them. And you know what?

Christina: 14:22

My most of my life as a singer, songwriter, I have really struggled with that feeling of, okay, I'm not doing enough of this or that and I do want to change that. Ultimately, songwriting is one of my biggest life joys and it fuels everything else I do. It fuels connection, healing growth. Else I do, it feels connection, healing growth. So you know, I've thought a lot about it and I mean, well, why haven't I done more of this? And I'll share a little bit about why that. What I learned from thinking about that in a bit.

Christina: 15:00

But in any case, what I learned was, first of all, I do think it's okay not to do the thing you set out to do? Period. I do think it's okay not to do the thing you set out to do period. Like, I learned that eight songs a month is just not how my creativity works, at least right now. My, I guess, natural progression seems to be that I chip away at ideas, I collect phrases, I hum ideas into my phone, but I never force output. It just doesn't light me up, it doesn't. You know, I've never worked well in that fashion. I also learned that, even though I love routine and I do have, you know, routine to my day I share lots of them on the podcast I have in the past I fall into this pattern where I work really hard and then I crash and I hardly work and that swing can mess with my mental health. So I'm thinking more about that and trying to learn from it.

Christina: 16:11

And maybe it's just that, like, what I'm trying to do now is like work hard but like at a certain time, like step off, like go chill. Okay, save it for tomorrow. Okay, save it for tomorrow, save your um, I understand this need to, you know like follow an idea to the end, like get as much out as you can, but, like, I guess, be, you know, being more aware of my energy level and like, um, even my body. It's hurting my body to sit in this position and, like you know, bust my ass Like am I getting enough sleep? Like, for me, like, having a healthy routine with eating and sleeping affects everything. So, like, having like set times to do work, to do creative work, that's something I'm messing around with right now. My mornings are for creativity. I'm setting.

Christina: 17:10

This goes back to like how do I break these nasty habits of not doing writing any songs? I'm putting it on the calendar. I'm making dates with friends to co-write and showing up. We're both showing up. I'm treating it kind of like a job, even though it's not like immediate payback and some of it does not pay, you know, so, yeah, so I guess what I'm learning is, even though it is okay, like to not finish any projects and to like let things go, you know, because we'll have like tons of ideas sometimes, um, and then for three months later you're like I actually don't want to write an album that's about guinea pigs. Um, I would rather just do singles and not have any pressure to promote and launch a whole album, you know, okay.

Christina: 18:05

So, uh, another big failure I have struggled with talking about to people outside of, like my husband. My husband and I always talk about money and risk and debt. We're completely transparent about where we're at with that. But when I was growing up, my father committed bank fraud and disappeared and there was always like a lot of I felt a lot of shame around money not having enough, being in debt and just hearing how people talked about that and about my father and you know it's just didn't really have a good understanding of any of it. So I think it's important to talk about your finances with your partner and be completely transparent and, if you're going to take a risk, that you're both on board with that support and no matter how it turns out.

Christina: 19:05

So 2024 for me brought somewhat financial failure in that I did go further into debt and my goal before that was to be debt free. I did pay off my personal debt. We paid off our car. We now own our home. You know there are all these like positives and wins, but I want my business to be debt free.

Christina: 19:31

And I went further into debt because I made a huge investment in my creative work my live album and the film. That was a big dream and I wanted to capture a show I could be proud of forever, and so we did it. I had the support of my husband and it took a lot of money, took a lot of risk, even with funding and grants, and so now I am paying it back. I've got, you know, payment plan, automatic payments and blah, blah, blah. It's all on lines of credit, two specifically One is not so big, the other is a little bit bigger, but I don't know. I guess I'm used to carrying debt. It's like debt management.

Christina: 20:16

So, anyways, I also began submitting the show to lots of festivals and showcase events and so on and so forth, and I only got a few bites. I am being patient, like I'm trying not to freak out, but I did hope to see the risk have a quicker financial return. I really thought my summer in 2025 was gonna be really filled with like festival performances, because I really believe in the show and my music and the musicians I work with. So I guess what I learned from that is like there are no guarantees. It doesn't mean that we're not you know, our music is crap or that we're not good at what we do, or that I'm not good. It's just that it is really highly competitive. There are so many deserving, uh, wonderful musicians out there vying for the same performance opportunities, and so, um, does that mean we shouldn't have done any of it? No, I don't believe that. Um, what we did, we've, we've. No one could take that away from us. You know, and I still no regrets.

Christina: 21:28

But what I did learn, I've got to be smarter about how I work. Now I need the investment to pay me back any investment I make moving forward. So that means I have to keep a close eye on my budgets, which I'm actually really good with budgets. I have to tour smarter. Every performance counts. I have to tour smarter. Every performance counts, and luckily I have a part time job now, a remote job that I can do from anywhere. That allows me this kind of. It feels like a luxury to be able to pick and choose which shows I want to do, and also the support of my Patreon helps me have that freedom to not do the soul-sucking shows that maybe I've outgrown or they do not light me up or they drain me financially. So just being smarter about the decision to leave the house and put on a show or make connections and I also. I just need to make sure I'm not burning more than I earn and find new ways to connect with people who want to support the work that I am doing, which brings me back to Patreon. So this year there's been a wonderful growth in free membership signups and also a steady, slow growth in my paid memberships. I think we're up to about 70 paying members now and I have a total of like 150 members total, and that's where I share my real updates music, writing, behind the scenes stuff and if you're on there, you get an email when I post an update, just like the old days.

Christina: 23:12

I just don't like this idea of my fans having to scroll and like swipe endlessly on social media because I don't. I don't want to do that. I catch myself doing it sometimes and I do not want to spend my life scrolling on social media and a lot of it is ads and I can get sucked in as well. Um, so you know I struggle with that. I'm trying to break it, but I think I'm doing myself and my fans a favor by just kind of keeping all my stuff in one place, which is my Patreon, and it's not that I'm never going to post on Facebook or Instagram, again it. You know they'll be the kind of standard posts from time to time, but just a lot less. I, yeah, I am stepping back from social media, but, uh, again, it's just not.

Christina: 24:01

I've learned that, uh, I want my time to go into the places that matters. I want to write more songs, maybe not eight a month, um. I want to read more books, like to listen to some records, and I don't need to know what everybody's doing all the time, like I. Just it's not that I don't care, it's just that you know your close friends. I think you catch up with them. When you went on the phone Well, I do, I like to catch up with them on the phone. Or when you see them in person, make a coffee date, go for a hike it's kind of how I roll, okay, so I'm just going to do a little overview again. What I've learned overall is that hard work and pushing through your fears it really is worthwhile. That's what I did last year, and I was so scared to screw up my big investment. But I was also scared that I wouldn't live up to my own vision. But we did it and I'm so thrilled. So check out on my bandcamp or just send me an email, I can direct you the new live Storm album.

Christina: 25:13

On a side, but not really, I've been working a lot on this idea of forgiveness, like on the personal side, and learning to let go, and that goes for like me, like forgiving myself. I'm still working on it, but I am getting there and I think I think last year I, you know, I made a little bit of progress in in forgiveness. I learned that I do have everything I need. You know, like I could still be ambitious without feeling like I'm lacking, uh, but at the end of the day, if I've tried for uh, you know, and I keep working towards my dreams, I still like I am, I have enough, I am enough, I have love, I'm good. I'm not gonna cry about it, I'll keep trying, but I'm gonna have more fun trying and not, you know, like be so wound up and disappointed if things don't. I guess, come my way easier.

Christina: 26:19

I've learned that success isn't about being busy, it is about what matters. Are my key relationships healthy? Yes, they are. Am I working on projects that excite me Absolutely? Am I paying my bills? Yes. Is my partnership with my husband strong and healthy? Yep, and my cat. Yep, that's another check.

Christina: 26:40

Um, as hard as it can be to pay down debt, it is, uh, super easy to rack it back up again. So, just keeping an eye on that and um, and that, as long as you know the facts of where your money is, how much you owe, there's always a way to work towards paying that debt down. I've always been able to make it work and pay things down, but, yeah, it's super easy to rack it right up again. So, yeah, and then I keep working with this idea, folks, and I want to share it. It's a big one, it's so simple, it's not. I didn't make this up, but less is more. Less can be more. Keep it simple In everything I do. I've worked hard to keep things as simple and and as possible so that I can have space in my life to enjoy the things that matter. So that is where I'm at, folks. That is how I'm kicking off season four.

Christina: 27:45

I'm excited to share more. I'm excited to hear from you, like to really hear from you. So don't forget to call or text the Heartbeat Hotline or email me. Let's keep this connection and a chat with heart alive. And one more thing if you are stuck, if you need a bit of encouragement, I want to hear from you. If you're in the middle of your muck on your path with heart, I want to hear about it. And if you've faced your fears and you've come out on the other side, and if you've faced your fears and you've come out on the other side, I'm very proud of you and I want to hear about it. Thank you for being here and, yeah, good luck, just being yourself as hard as it can be sometimes and calming the fuck down when you need to. And I'm here, I'm here and, uh, look forward to sharing more chats with heart with you. Oh, I don't want to say goodbye to you. Welcome to the Heartbeat Hotline 1902-669-4769.

Christina: 29:11

I'm the host of a Chat with Heart podcast, christina Martin, and I'm so excited you called. Leave me your question, suggestion for the podcast or a comment about this episode. Please be aware your message may be used on the podcast and social media. Tell me your name, where you're calling from, and it's also fine if you want to remain anonymous, thanks, thanks for listening. Have a great fucking day. Hey, thanks for listening to A Chat With Heart produced by me, christina Martin, co-produced and engineered by my partner in life and sound, dale Murray.

Christina: 29:45

Dale's not just a wizard with knobs, he's also a killer, singer-songwriter, session musician and music producer. Go snoop around his world at dalemurrayca. The podcast theme song, talk About it and I Don't Want to Say Goodbye to you, were written by me and recorded by Dale. Want to support what we do? You can snag CDs, vinyl, digital music and some weirdly delightful merch like custom puzzles and temporary tattoo packs over on my bandcamp. If you're into keeping indie art alive or just want good karma, become a monthly or yearly member on my Patreon. It's a platform that helps creators get paid to keep making stuff we love. I swear by it. Sign up free or paid at patreoncom. Backslash, christina Martin. If this podcast made you laugh, cry, think or rage, text your best friend, do me a solid share it, rate it, review it and hit that follow or subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts. And to all my little heartbeat listeners stay weird, stay tender and I'll catch you next time.