Carlyn Oswald - Online Dating, Food Science and Austin, Texas!

In this episode I chat with my friend Carlyn Oswald  as we try to lend some online dating tips to my listeners about  setting up your profile, first impressions, red flags and background checks. I even share my limited experience using Tinder. 

My first Aupair gig landed me in Austin, Texas when I was twenty years old. I had never written a song, and I have very few memories of what it was like being single and dating. Now I'm 43 years young, and chatting on my podcast with my guest Carlyn, who was only six years old when I lived with her family as their summer Aupair. Now she's all grown up, and has a plethora of experience to bring me up to speed on what it's like living single in Northwest Arkansas. It was so fun to re-connect with Carlyn after all these years. 

 

Chapters

• 0:00 Greetings from Christina
• 0:30 Theme Song - Talk About It
• 0:56 Introduction by Christina
• 8:46 Living with the Oswalds in Austin, TX
• 15:35 Food Science and living in Arkansas
• 21:36 Being single in Northwest Arkansas
• 23:51 Carlyn's dating history
• 30:33 Christina tried Tinder
• 31:14 How to set up your dating profile
• 34:39 First impressions and red flags
• 43:04 Roller coaster of emotions
• 46:05 Married and online dating
• 47:34 Tips for online dating and background checking
• 56:54 Dating more than one person at once
• 1:03:12 Heartbeat Hotline 1(902)-669-4769
• 1:03:45 Podcast Credits
• 1:04:05 Support the Podcast on Patreon

Transcript

S2E11_Carlyn Oswald

Christina: [00:00:02] (Instrumental music in background) 

[00:00:03] Welcome to a chat with Hart podcast. I'm your host, Christina martin. I'm here to help guide heartfelt conversations with new and old friends I've met from just being alive or touring my music around North America and other parts of the world. I chat with people I feel a kinship with and that I genuinely believe we can learn from. Our personal stories have great power to heal, influence and inspire. All we have to do is show up for the conversation.

Podcast theme song 'Talk About It': [00:00:30] If we just talk about it, we could shine a light, we can break a dark day. If we just talk about it, we can cut away, we can make a brighter day.

Christina: [00:00:56] Yo yo. I'm back from my little retreat in Austin, Texas. I'm feeling like a recharged triple A battery. Um, Austin was wonderful. Okay, so I reconnected with friends, old friends. And my brother Alex met me in Austin for the second week of my trip. Um, I'm just going to go over a couple of my favorite things that I did try it out. So many vegan restaurants and I've got to say Citizen Eatery was fantastic and the Vegan Nom, which is like a collection of basically food trucks and they're all vegan in this one location in the East Side. Fantastic. I may have overdone it with the vegan chicken wings, but yeah, you only live once. I hung out with my pal Jason a lot and that was fantastic. We went to, one night to sing karaoke at the bar that we originally met at called Ego's on South Congress. It has not changed. It's still pretty disgusting, but a lot of fun. It's now, I guess, a full time karaoke bar. It was an open mic for us that we did, I think, once a week in the early 2000. Um, went out to eat a lot of Amy's ice cream with Jason. Got to see our friend Kris play music and had coffee one morning with him, I did a songwriter's workshop with Darden Smith and Mary Gauthier. That was fantastic. And thanks to their coaching, was able to finish a really old song. That was cool. There were 15 other songwriters from all over the States, um, and it just was really cool to be in that, in this, in this one room with everybody

Christina: [00:02:59] and we all got to witness everybody perform one song that they wanted help with. And then Mary and Darden, you know, gave their tips. And it was just it was it was really just nice to witness that, and a little nerve wracking. I was nervous to share my tune, but also like, hey, this is what I'm here for. This is what I paid for. Anyway, that was really, I'm really glad I did that. And that was like the thing that I paid for to get my ass to Austin because I was having a hard time committing to a vacation for myself. So I built this vacation around this two day songwriters workshop. Yeah. So I got to have an overnight with my girlfriend Jennifer, and we went two stepping at the Broken Spoke one night. That was a blast. Didn't matter that we didn't have any dance partners because we were approached by many men, took us, spun us around the floor and it was, yeah, great, great band, great music. Went to hear live music at the Saxon Pub many times. I think I went like four times during my stay in Austin. And including getting to hear my old friend Colin Gilmore, the West Texas Exiles. I hope I got that right. This is the name of this new band that he's in, and they were great. Got to see Colin and Tammy one night and my friend Seela. We went to the museum one afternoon. It was great to see Seela, my pen pal.

Christina: [00:04:31] Hey, um, and then I got sick. Like, I just caught a cold because, you know, I don't go out much being home. And when you're out in bars and flying and all that stuff, you kind of catch things and. Anyway, still managed to have a good time with my brother Alex, who came in for the second half of my trip. We went to hear live music outdoors and there was a ton of great food trucks and things to do outside, so that was awesome. Thanks, Alex, for joining me. Got to go for lunch with my friend Pam, who used to take me for lunch all the time. All the time. When we worked at Westridge Middle School in the computer lab. And Pam was one of my earliest and biggest supporters. She loaned me the money to print out my first CD, Pretty Things, and I'll never forget that and other many other things that she'd done for me. But it was great to take her out for lunch and catch up with her. I also got to see Jacqueline and Dane, who I lived with when I was a kid in Austin. I was Jacqueline and Ali's nanny, and then I also worked for a family called the Oswalds. So I got to visit with Kim, my host mom. So Dane and I surprised Kim one morning. We had an awesome time. Getting to hug my too old host moms and spend time with them was really, it just felt like this was a really big reason for me to go to Austin again.

Christina: [00:05:55] They just meant a lot to me. What they did for me when I was just getting started on my own, trying to figure out my own life. I really adored my time living with their families back in the early 2000, so that was awesome. Thanks. Kim and Dane. Okay, so I'm back home now and I feel awesome. I have a new single and music video coming out in a few weeks for a song called Little Princess. I'll probably talk more about that in the next episode. And you know, plans that I've been working on for years now since the start of the pandemic are all kind of coming to a head, wrapping up or just allowing me to move forward with like the stuff I love to do as a musician. So I'll be launching a full album this summer and starting to play more shows. As a matter of fact, I have a couple of shows coming up. I'm showcasing with my band at the East Coast Music Awards in May in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Rehearsals start in April. And then there's some trips overseas to the Maverick Festival in the UK this summer. I get to go do that with Dale, and then we're preparing to announce all the tour dates in Europe for the Fall. So yeah, I'm very grateful right now, very pumped. Okay. There's a big connection between Austin and my guest today. I want to start by saying I do not date because I'm married and I guess I've gone on dates, I guess. But for the most part, I was either single for long stretches and just kind of, you know, ended up with guys like in the olden days we called it One Night Stand.

Christina: [00:07:38] But mostly I've been a serial monogamist. I know nothing about dating, but I do hear about it sometimes from my friends, mostly that it's done online, mostly through social media sites or dating apps. Things are different than when I was single. People date multiple people at one time, I hear, and my understanding is that things are like more open and fluid. Anyway, my guest today has a background in food science. I was her Aupair for two summers and it's been a delight to reconnect with her. She's going to share her experiences with online dating. I thought we should hear from someone who is like in the thick of it, you know, and someone who's really been doing the the online dating thing for a long time. And so that's why I have this awesome woman, Carlyn Oswald, today.

Christina: [00:08:46] I used to be your nanny.

Carlyn: [00:08:48] Yes.

Christina: [00:08:49] And then. And then you told me I've got lots of dating experience. And I was like, Oh, this is perfect. Because it's more comfortable for me to talk to somebody that I know than a complete stranger. So this was a perfect opportunity. But yeah, 1999, I answered an online job ad through a nanny agency and got hired to come and live with your family for for the summer in Austin, Texas. And and I wasn't your I wasn't your first nanny, though, was I?

Carlyn: [00:09:21] Correct. Yeah. So and honestly, I was so young. So I'm the youngest of four. So there was, you know, I'm sure my older siblings might remember the the we call them Aupairs because they came from other countries typically. And so we had I swear we had one from maybe like Sweden or something and all these fun countries. Um, I honestly don't remember much, but I think there were the nannies were probably more for me than anyone else since I was the youngest. Um, and you know, and as my siblings got older then they could kind of take care of themselves in certain ways. But, you know, so they probably had nannies up until maybe I, I feel like you were maybe my last one. There might have been one more after that.

Christina: [00:10:06] Yeah, there was two. I did two summers. Yeah. And I'm not saying you were all grown up after that, but, uh. But Justin was older, so, like, he would have taken over, you know, babysitting nights.

Carlyn: [00:10:19] And driving probably places. Yeah.

Christina: [00:10:22] Yeah. And Nick, too, was getting. He was a teenager by probably by then. And for anybody who doesn't know what the hell an au pair does, like, I felt like my job was to, like, plan fun activities. And y'all were like, I feel like you were all really smart and, like, up for adventure and like. But but also because you were so smart, like, easily bored. So I you all knew how to entertain yourselves, but I just felt like I have to be on here. And so, like, I really took the job seriously. But I mean, I'll just tell you right now, you had a lot of fun and yeah, I had a lot of fun with you and you were so adorable, so adorable and always very bubbly and like, smiley and like, bouncing around, just giggly and. Yeah. Anyway, there was just something unique and special about all of you. You're really fun, gang and fun family to be with, for sure. Like I it was my first my crash course in like living with a functioning family you know nothing against my I think my all my family would agree like with me on that like yeah we didn't exactly have the most functional household but having regular meals all together and like going around the table, y'all were members of a church. And so that was a routine and like, um, prayer at dinner time being, but being great, like practicing gratitude and saying nice things about everyone at the at dinner time. What the fuck? Like, we didn't do that. We we did not do that.

Carlyn: [00:12:02] Right?

Christina: [00:12:03] But, you know, it was just really cool. And then y'all went to church on Sundays and I'd bail on that usually, but sometimes I think I did go, go. And this is interesting as somebody who, you know, I wasn't raised religious with a religious family, Um, and, uh, but my, my first friends in Austin, your parents introduced me to like were members of your church. And they were just some of the funniest guys and girls. And I had such a ball with them and they invited me to like their Bible study. Um, and I would go like for the first part where everyone just hung out, played pool and chatted, and then I would leave because I was like, I just don't get the Bible, y'all. Like I, I, I just don't really. I'm reading other things right now. Right? I'll leave you to it. I Yeah, but they didn't care. They were like, come and go as you please.

Carlyn: [00:13:00] I loved growing up that way too, because I'm no longer I'm not religious. I haven't been religious. And since I was probably 15 or so. But what I loved is that honestly, um, growing up and going to the church every Sunday and having the Sunday school and I was in the choir and all this stuff and but what I loved is that, you know, my parents were like, you know, this is what we're doing, this is what we believe in. This is our church, this is our community. And then, you know, towards and they would, you know, make you go to church when I was like nine and stuff and, you know, you'd want to sleep in and watch cartoons or whatever, but you go to church. But like once I kind of got a little older, you know, I was like, you know what? This is not really for me. And it was nothing. You know, there was no judgment or like. No, you just don't understand or, you know, and then after a while, you know, so I kind of stopped going. The rest of my siblings are still are pretty religious, some a little bit less than others. But I just I just appreciate just that, you know, like everyone's a good person. You know, you don't have to be, you know, practicing. You don't have to be going to church every Sunday to, you know, to do good things. But going to church, it really did, I think, help me growing up, just kind of be around just like those good people and just be around. Yeah, like loving people and just learning some, you know, good. Just. Just how to, you know, be the best you can be.

Christina: [00:14:29] Yeah, well, I will say, like, I was working for another family at one point and I would bring their boys to this mega church that just off the highway and they drop the kids off. They had their Sunday school. So while I was waiting, I'd go in and hear the sermon and I was just like this, This is awesome. These stories are amazingly inspiring. And and I don't you know, it didn't ever like as a, um, you know, as a non, I guess a secular. Is that what that what I would be called person that. Yeah. Didn't follow religion. I still I was like I can absolutely see why people is is serves such a purpose and a sense of community and the you know we all need reminders like I need reminders I want to be a good person. Personal growth is important. And so like, I think there are those opportunities in that kind of a setting. And if that's the way you want to get it, great. And if it's not for everybody. But it was interesting for sure.

Christina: [00:15:35] Um, so okay, so you're all grown up now and you're not living in Austin right now, so tell us about your what, your job title now, now, because I find it so I do find it really interesting that you ended up kind of doing what you're doing. I just it's not something I would you would hear, right? Typically somebody gets into.

Carlyn: [00:15:59] Yeah, Yeah. So I, I, so I work in sales, which people are like, oh, sales, I know sales, but I work for a food ingredient supplier and more of a technical sales role, um, selling our food ingredients into the food industry. So I'm helping food scientists, which is my, my background and education is in food science. So I got my bachelor's and master's in food science and something I super nerd out about. Um, cool. And most people, yeah, they don't know it even exists. They just think a lot of people, you know, they go to the grocery store, they see food that, you know, you can't make at home. For instance, like a Cheeto, you can't make Cheetos at home. Um, there's a lot of different things that that food manufacturing and food ingredients really are, you know, necessary, um, that people don't really think how it got to the shelf and they buy it and they enjoy it and they move on with their day. Um, but that's something that really interests me is, you know, taking what's something, something you can make at home and turning that into, you know, a mass produced food product. So the company I work for now, yeah, we, we sell a lot of different food ingredients. For instance, you know, carrageenan, xanthan gum, soy protein, a lot of different cellulose type products. A lot of, for instance, in the plant based meat industry, those products are made out of pretty much all just, you know, various ingredients that make it almost taste exactly like meat. Like pea protein. Yes. Yeah. Pea protein.

Christina: [00:17:39] Speaking to a vegan here, by the way. So this is exciting. Yeah.

Carlyn: [00:17:42] Yes. Yes. Like Methylcellulose, we sell that which is in a lot of different plant based meats because how it functions is there's nothing else like it. So it's really fun being in that space. Food protection, for instance. You know the reason why you can you can buy bread that lasts, you know, months and months in your pantry and people think it's because it has a bunch of chemicals in it and everything. But it really doesn't mean you can use enzymes that are, you know, completely natural ways to kind of just change the chemistry of the bread to to extend the shelf life or like hummus, for instance. You buy hummus and you can put it in the fridge for probably about a month, honestly, before maybe it starts going a little bad. And because there's things in there that if you made it at home, you definitely wouldn't want to just leave, you know, hummus in your fridge for that long if it was homemade hummus. But we sell a product called Cultured Dextrose that's in a lot of different hummus that prevent microbial spoilage and other things. Happening that people you know, people think that food scientists are evil and, you know, doing all these things.

Christina: [00:18:52] I didn't, but mean I can relate to the whole idea of like,why is this lasting so long? It can't be good for me. It must be made of plastic, right? I mean.

Carlyn: [00:19:02] Exactly.

Christina: [00:19:03] So this is really fascinating stuff.

Carlyn: [00:19:05] I especially love everything bagel seasoning, which I know is pretty mainstream at this point. Um, but I was on that trend, that train for, you know, a long time ago. I love it. I use it for avocado toast, eggs, um.

Christina: [00:19:22] Everything. Bagel seasoning.

Carlyn: [00:19:24] Okay. So is that something that's not. Maybe not a thing in Canada?

Christina: [00:19:28] Well, we have bagels. You can buy bagels that just say, like. Yeah, everything. Yeah, but are you talking about, like, a standalone, like, seasoning? Yes. Yes. Meant for everything, or is it meant for bagels?

Carlyn: [00:19:44] So it's basically the exact same seasoning or topping that's on an everything bagel, but it's in just a seasoning that you can sprinkle onto anything. Okay. And I will say probably one of the very first companies to put that on the market was Trader Joe's. And they definitely have a superior seasoning because they have a flakier sea salt in it, which is very important because the rest of there's like sesame seeds, poppy seeds, maybe onion, garlic, maybe I'm missing something there. And then of course, the yeah, and then the, the sea salt. Whenever I come home to Austin, I just like stockpile. I get like ten of them at the Trader Joe's.

Christina: [00:20:23] So tell me about the city town county that you live in and what is the funnest thing about it. What's it what's it known for?

Carlyn: [00:20:33] So I live in Fayetteville, Arkansas, but more broadly, it's called Northwest Arkansas, which is a few different towns in this area. So there's Fayetteville, Springdale, Rogers and Bentonville. And it's a little metro kind of area in Arkansas. And a lot of people it's kind of a lesser known secret how great this area is. It's turning into not so much a secret because it keeps on showing up on all these best places to live lists. Um, it's been it's usually right next to Austin, which is kind of funny for me. There's so many great restaurants, breweries, bars, which is something I love. I love craft beer. And so I can go and, um, you know, go to a brewery, get a, get a craft beer, go hiking. It's just like the perfect combination for me, so. Sounds fun. Yeah. And I moved here for college, and I left. I lived in Georgia for a little bit and Kansas City, and I just kept on. Kept on visiting down here and just realizing how much it was growing. And I was like, okay, I have to get back down here. So yep.

Christina: [00:21:36] It sounds like, um, segway into being single and it sounds like a great place to, to be on the dating scene, would you say?

Carlyn: [00:21:48] Oh, you know, so, you know, I was talking about those lists of best places to live. Arkansas actually showed up on the list as it was the second worst state in the United States for single people. What?

Christina: [00:22:03] Well.

Carlyn: [00:22:03] I don't I can't remember the first. Yeah, the first one was like Iowa or some random state that no one goes, No, I'm kidding. But is it because.

Christina: [00:22:12] Is it because couples move there.Or what's?

Carlyn: [00:22:15] So it's very much, you know, and they're saying Arkansas as a whole. So like northwest Arkansas, where I live, is a little bit different. It's kind of its own little thing versus the whole state. But a lot of people probably do get married younger here. Um, and it's yeah, it's there's just not that many single people. I'm always surprised, like all my friends are married or in serious relationships. A lot of them are having kids and I'm 29. Um, and, but it's funny because then I talk with my friends that live elsewhere. Like I have a few friends that live in Austin, and if they're in a relationship, they're like one of the only people that they know that's in a relationship. And most people in Austin are are single. Um, so or at least the people that I know, the way of life in Arkansas is just very much kind of settle down and yeah.

Christina: [00:23:07] Maybe it attracts the it attracts couples probably yeah.

Carlyn: [00:23:10] You can buy a house. I mean of course with the cost of living, it's like, okay, yeah, like, you know, let's get married, buy a house, like start the family. And it's all kind of like a little bit younger than maybe other areas is I think I'd have to look at that list to see what their reasonings were. But, but when I saw that, I was like, Yep, that sounds about right.

Christina: [00:23:29] With the with the rate of divorce. So, I mean, people are bound to separate and then be looking. They'll be looking for somebody. So like I guess if you just wait around long enough, um, then you're probably going to find somebody. But, uh, but then I.

Carlyn: [00:23:44] Definitely had that thought. I've been like, You know what? I can just wait a couple more years and then the next round of people will Yeah, yeah.

Christina: [00:23:51] Or, I mean, you know, with everybody being so connected now, I mean, there is a likelihood. I mean, my nephew met his wife on Twitter, I believe. And and then she was in the UK. He was in Canada. I mean, so there's always that that somebody, you know, you might meet somebody and then move to where you are or vice versa. So. Right. But but this is this is now we're getting delving into the whole dating thing because so for listeners, you know that I mean I honestly, I don't know anything about dating. I had one blind date and it was in Austin and it was your aunt that set it up, actually. Um, and I knew within 20 minutes, actually, I knew right away with the super, super nice guy we met at a Starbucks and I'm sure he had planned to hang out all night with me, but I cut it off really short because I just was so nervous. But I was also like, I don't think, you know, super nice person, but like, not just I'm not going to date you like. You know, And but it was I felt so bad that I was like, I'm never going to do this blind date thing ever again. But I know nothing about dating. Like when I back in the old days when I was single, it was you met someone or face to face. Organically meeting somebody meant you would just do your have your life and maybe live your life.

Carlyn: [00:25:22] And then you'd meet someone.

Christina: [00:25:23] Yeah, so? So. And I have some listeners who. One in particular, Susanne, who was asking me one day emailing me about this topic, and I think I have a lot of listeners of different ages that are kind of in that place where they're like, I want to date older, younger, and now everyone's dating online and I don't know what how do you do this? And it's so foreign to them. And so I think you will enlighten a lot of people today. And I mean, I've got my questions. And of course, I want to hear your stories. Um, so why don't why don't I start with one and then we'll just see how this goes. This is so exciting. Okay. Okay.

Carlyn: [00:26:05] And I can also say really quick, maybe my why, you know, my history of dating and, and being on the apps is I've been on any type of dating app since I was 18. Um. Whoa.

Christina: [00:26:20] Yeah, 18. That's how young people are, I guess that's. Yes, I guess to me that sounds so young, but I guess that's normal. A normal age to be dating, like. Yeah. So.

Carlyn: [00:26:33] And growing up, I didn't date at all. I didn't have a boyfriend, you know, a little middle school boyfriend or anything like that. I was very I wasn't really into dating or boys at the time or I kind of was, but I was super, super shy and I was like, Oh, that's fine. And then, yeah, when I came to college, of course, you see all these people that are in relationships and and just dating in general. And so that's when I decided to give the apps to try. And I think even at then that that was 11 years ago that it was it was becoming a thing. But it was still embarrassing. Like at that time you would be on the dating apps, but like you wouldn't tell people like you were on the apps or you would not if you met someone for a date. You know, someone's like, Oh, how'd you meet them? You're like, Oh, like, it's super embarrassing. But I met him on this app kind of thing, so and yeah, so fast forward, um, till now, I've only been off the apps for about a year when I was dating someone. But other than that, I've been, yeah, my history is deep. So I was on a website called Plenty of Fish.

Christina: [00:27:43] I remember this. Yeah. Not from my, from my experience, but I just remember hearing about it. Plenty of fish. Okay.

Carlyn: [00:27:49] Yeah. Yeah. And those were there's they needed a lot of work at that time because plenty of fish you would get on and there was no filters really. So you just kind of made your profile almost kind of like a social media profile, kind of like a MySpace profile or whatever at the time.

Christina: [00:28:08] Yeah, we're dating ourselves now. Yeah.

Carlyn: [00:28:11] Yeah, I know. Um, and so you'd put your, your picture, your little like about me, I guess. And, and I just remember I would set up my profile and maybe you can set up a distance radius, but other than that, there was no other filters. And I would just get messages like a hundred messages a day. And a lot of them were just kind of almost like spam or like. Men from other countries messaging you, asking if you'd like to be their wife. Like, crazy stuff. Okay. Yeah.

Christina: [00:28:44] But you knew, you knew when you were younger. Like, okay, this is not right.

Carlyn: [00:28:48] So I'd just delete them. Yeah. And then, like, you'd randomly come across, um, a real person. And at that time I feel like it was just so exciting to come across someone that, like, lived in your town that was real, that was on it, that like, there was, there was not. You know, I was like, okay, I'll go on a date with this person. Like it didn't really matter. Yeah, if they seemed like a good match. And also there just wasn't much information on those profiles for you to even tell. I remember one guy, we went on a date and then he was like, Is it okay if we just order appetizers because I don't want to pay for a meal or something?

Christina: [00:29:24] Okay. Quite honest, right? Yeah.

Carlyn: [00:29:26] And I was like, that's fine, or.

Christina: [00:29:28] I'm starving. But yeah, fine, fine by me. Yeah.

Carlyn: [00:29:33] I was like, okay, I'll get, we were at an Italian place, so I was like, I guess I'll get garlic bread. I didn't really have that many appetizers there.

Christina: [00:29:40] Um, red flag, red flag right away, right.

Carlyn: [00:29:43] Yeah. I can't I don't think there were as many dates I went on at that time that that resulted in second dates. So then I started getting on. I was on there was, I think one called Coffee Meets Bagel that I tried. And, um, I think I tried any new one that came on the market. This is probably about six years ago or so. Um, and then of course the ones that people recognize more today is Bumble, Hinge and Tinder. Tinder was probably one of the first ones of like those three that that was out there. And so I was on Tinder for a while, but now it's kind of has that bad rap of being like the hookup app. So I haven't had a Tinder in probably like probably, I don't know, 4 or 5 years or so. But the other two are kind of like the main ones for me.

Christina: [00:30:33] So my like my friend, let me um, it sounds like I'm lying when I say this story, but my friend let me swipe left and right for her on her Tinder account. One time I was like, this is so fun. I'm getting like dopamine drips. Like every time it feels like a little bit of a video game. And I think I, I think I got her a bunch of matches. And then she didn't, didn't end up following through with any of them. And I was super disappointed and I was like, come on, this is about us now. But yeah, I mean, that was that was my one experience with Tinder was just using my friend's app to try to get her hooked hooked up. Now are the other one's like Tinder, where you're swiping left and right.

Carlyn: [00:31:14] So they're all like, the premise is pretty much the same. And all of them where you're given an app. So nowadays they have a lot more information on the app. So they have the person. Of course, there's the pictures, they have a little bio, um, where you're free to write whatever you'd like and then height. Sometimes they'll have race. It's a lot of it is. You can choose if you want to include it or not. You don't have to include these things. Um, but it's always a little bit of a red flag if you don't include your height because I'm a tall girl and if you don't put your height on their profile, it probably means you're, you're not tall. I'm assuming as a, as a if a man doesn't do it, but, um, so you can put, you know, religious stance, you know, political stance, um, your hometown, your, uh, your college degree. So, for instance, Hinge, I believe, is the one. It's either hinge or bumble one of them. You can say you have an undergraduate or graduate or high school degree. I think that's bumble. Um, while hinge you don't put that, but you put your college that you went to if you went to a college. Okay. Um, and then of course age um then hinge I believe has and so I'm not really as familiar with Tinder nowadays. I'm sure there's been plenty of updates since I've been on it. So Hinge will have drinking, smoking or cigarettes so you can say yes, no or socially, or.

Christina: [00:32:47] I'd like to know that beforehand.

Carlyn: [00:32:48] Yeah. So they really put all of that kind of like the basic stuff, the difference being and I believe you mean Tinder is like, you know, you swipe left, you swipe right. The same thing with Bumble. You swipe left or right. Hinge is a little bit different. They have prompts and so there are little things you can pick out, like two truths and a lie. And the person writes down their two truths and a lie or.

Christina: [00:33:10] About themselves.

Carlyn: [00:33:13] About themselves. Yeah. So they're kind of like things, if someone's struggling to like, write a bio that they can give more information about themselves in those prompts. I feel like some just don't put anything on their bio. And so sometimes really like the prompts are all you get to really understand anything more about the person. Right. Um, you need. For hinge. You like the prompts or the someone's picture? Okay. Versus bumble and Tinder, You swipe left and right. Okay, So swiping right is the positive. Swiping left is is negative.

Christina: [00:33:49] Does somebody know if you're swiping in the bad direction for them? No. Okay. And so you could you could change your mind in the future if you wanted to on a. 

Carlyn: [00:33:59] No it's like gone forever.

Christina: [00:34:01] Oh, oh, okay.

Carlyn: [00:34:02] Well, which is like that's always kind of scary when you're mindlessly, not mine. I try not to be mindlessly, but sometimes I'll look at the first photo and I'm just thinking, no. And then I'm. But then I'm swiping. I've already swiped left and I've thought, oh, I really, I didn't even scroll down. Um, because sometimes really the first photo is so important. First impressions are everything. And that first photo, you see, I mean, if someone is just, I mean, if they have a mirror selfie or even a picture of them, a selfie in a car or or them holding a fish, there's just like a lot of things that just are.

Christina: [00:34:39] These red flags. Let's talk about red flags, because this is important, too, for listeners who maybe are ready to I'm I'm going to say particularly older because like, yes, someone even my age who's never done or getting out of a marriage, I'm not planning on that. But, um, at my age 40 and above who just that online dating wasn't the thing for them, but now they're having to face it or they're facing the rest of their life by themselves, potentially. So, like what? Yeah, the things to keep in mind when setting up your profile. So you're saying like, because I'm thinking, I'm imagining like you probably don't want to do a do you want to put a glam shot or do you want to have something sort of like more realistic but still a great shot of yourself or what? Like.

Carlyn: [00:35:26] Honestly. So for me, I think about kind of who would be looking at my profile. So for me and my profile, it's going to be men would be looking at my profile. And so I sometimes think that honestly, a glamour shot might be better because and I'm generalizing a lot right now, but they are going to be very quick to swipe left or right. Yes, very visual people.

Christina: [00:35:50] Yeah, there are women like that too. But yes, for the most part, men are like, what? Yes. What do they look like?

Carlyn: [00:35:56] Yeah, right, exactly. So they're going to see good, bad and immediately swipe left or right. Um, so I tend to do a very, I mean, you know, makeup and looking nice. I don't I so one thing that is red flag is filters for sure. And I know that men don't like this either, but if it's like especially I don't even know if you know what I'm talking about, but there's like these Snapchat filters where they're just so blurred out and like completely, Oh, yeah, facelifts like, yeah. Oh yeah. Well, there's the ones that are more modern where like, they just completely like change how the someone looks like some of my friends I know that they've played around with that and they like basically completely change your smile to like, you know, straighten your teeth, whiten your teeth, like plump up your lips, all that stuff. And that's harder to. Yeah, there's, it's called like Facetune I think is the app and but.

Christina: [00:36:46] Then don't you know that like, like I would feel bad doing that because I'd be like, I go to a show and then people would be like, I don't know, disappointed. But they'd be like, She does not look like on her. Like, I don't know. I mean, there's touching up and then there's like, You're a different person in this photo.

Carlyn: [00:37:04] Yeah, yeah. And, and, you know, I would advise against that because of course, yes. You are going to meet these people in person. And I've seen some people that, you know, they have these perfectly curated photos and then but I know them in real life. I'm thinking they do not look anything like that. Right. Um, and men actually do it too. Not the face tuning, but they'll, they'll choose a photo that they've put a filter on. It's just very weird to me, honestly, which I understand. Like, okay, so women, they have makeup then, you know, it's not really fair that men, you know, don't have makeup and but I mean, they could put on makeup. Nothing wrong with that. But, um, you know, so I can understand the filter on both ends. You know, no one wants to see an overly filtered photo. And a good rule of thumb is I've actually asked a few friends to look over my profile over the years and just ask them Friends that like have seen you, of course, with all different stages of makeup or whatever. And I just like, Hey, does this look like me?

Christina: [00:38:08] Like, does this look like you? Does it read like you?

Carlyn: [00:38:10] Yeah, because Yeah, exactly. Because sometimes, you know, even, you know, I may like a photo of myself, but I'm like, okay, yeah. When I'm wearing a lot of makeup and I've angled the, you know, shot perfectly where, you know, I think it's a great photo of myself. So it's a you think, of course you want to put great photos of yourself on the profile, but you also want to be I would hate for you to meet up with someone and then they're like, oh, gosh, like, you know. She's you know, she looks kind of like her profile, but not as good, you know, like I'd much rather them to be like, oh, wow. She actually maybe looks better, of course, than her profile. Like that would be ideal. So I do try to ask people or, you know, especially even like male friends of mine, to be like, Hey, does this does this look like, does this photo like to, you know, too angled or, you know, whatever. And I've gotten the feedback that no, no, this looks just like you or whatever. So that's a good. Yeah. Um, yeah. And of course, I mean, it's kind of like usually I might not show them my entire profile because honestly, sometimes it's, it is a little almost. I don't know, not not embarrassing, but it's like an intimate. It's like your dating profile. Um, I mean, I call myself a seasoned veteran at this point, but if you're, if you're new to the dating app scene, it might be good, because I have I've had one friend. He was in a relationship for nine years and so then he recently he they broke up about a year or so ago and he was back on the apps and and his profile especially me as a female looking at his profile I was like, look, that is not good.

Carlyn: [00:39:44] You know, like you got to change this up like. But then he was like, Well, I'm not trying to find someone like you. I'm trying to find, you know, someone that's like like what I'm looking for, obviously, because we're not each other's, you know, types or whatever. Yeah. And so I'm like, okay, well, that also makes sense because I'm like thinking like, well, on my end, like, if I saw this profile, I'd immediately swipe left. Um, but he's like, Well, that's fine. So, you know, take it with a grain of salt that everyone has different opinions, um, and you know, different things they like and a significant other. Um, but it is, I think it's good, especially when you're starting off, so making sure your photos are accurate. I like to do kind of like a glamour shot a little bit and then I make sure to definitely include 1 or 2 photos of me without wearing makeup for me. Like since I like the outdoors, it'll be like a hiking photo or a picture with my dog and then I like to include a least. And usually I think you have a max of maybe like six photos in your profile, so you can't go too crazy. Um, but I like to do 1 or 2 photos with friends. I think it's really important because sometimes I'll see apps where their photos are just all selfies of themselves. Um, and it doesn't give you any. They're like the exact same selfie.

Christina: [00:40:58] That's kind of a, that's a red flag. That's screams 'I may not have any friends or know how to be in relationships at all.'

Carlyn: [00:41:07] Yes, that's an immediate swipe left for me. If it's just going to be pictures of you, then it needs to be pictures of you doing a lot of different things. Like for instance, if you like skiing, then maybe a picture of you skiing and then a picture of you out with your dog and a picture. You know, that's that's okay. I would still like to see a picture of you and friends, but that's fine. I'm not going to like swipe left on that. But if it's just all like and that's what my friend had. He had he's a big video gamer. So literally all of his photos were just selfies of him in front of his desk with his headphones on. And I was like, okay. I mean, hey, if you wanted to find another video gamer, then maybe. But for someone like me, I'm like, absolutely not, you know?

Christina: [00:41:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suppose it would be in his case now. We could start a business together coaching folks on the side if that. If your goal is to attract another gamer, which is totally possible, right? Like some people are super introverted, don't really hang out with a lot of people or their community is gaming online. So then you just. I would. But if you're going to have the photos like that, I would think that it's okay to then say in your bio like, I'm just being real with you all. I'm an introvert. I'm looking for someone who's interested in gaming. This is me. This is my life, my passion. I'm not going to pretend that I'm anything else. You know what I mean? Like, not don't try to hide it, but because that would be less creepy. Like if you're just forthright about all of that.

Carlyn: [00:42:32] Exactly. Just make your profile. Just, you know, extension of you.

Christina: [00:42:36] I would think, um, a lot of people are afraid of rejection, but would you say that it's probably important to get over that? And just like because you're, you know, you don't put yourself out there and risk rejection and I mean, because I guess that's the worst that could happen if you just know it's going to happen. And yeah, it's just part of it and just learn to accept it like

Carlyn: [00:43:04] Right.

Christina: [00:43:04] I think a lot of people don't because they're afraid to get hurt. Like, what would you say to that person?

Carlyn: [00:43:10] I will say that it is sometimes a roller coaster of emotions. On the dating apps. You can feel strongly about someone or just think that they could be a really good match for you based on their profile and then just preliminary conversation with them. And I had this happen a month or two ago. I was talking with this one guy and and he also, like, went way too hard, way too quick with like. Like, just tell me everything about you, like what you're looking for. Um, you know, just very, like, kind of like serious dating questions, which I would advise to, like. Not quite. You don't need to jump into that right away. And. But he was going and I was like, okay, well, so he's like really serious about this. And then and however I answered, he was like, Oh wow. Like, yeah, like we're totally on the same page about everything. And he seemed like all about it. So I was like, okay, I guess I, you know, and we continue talking. And then he just randomly unmatched me and it was just like, Oh, okay, all right. And I'm not going to lie. Like I was kind of like hurt because I was kind of like, he didn't reply for a few days. And I'm thinking, okay, well, maybe he's busy, it's fine. And then I checked and he had unmatched. Yes, it kind of bums you out. I'm not going to lie. But then there's just so it's kind of a good positive and negative thing about dating apps is there's just so many profiles on there and so many people to talk to that you just have to just move on. And, you know, it probably wasn't, you know, forever.

Carlyn: [00:44:40] Like sometimes things can be a match in your end, but not a match on the other person's in you may like maybe I thought, you know and it seemed like our conversation was great. But for whatever reason, you know, he decided that, you know, you know, that it wasn't a match for him. And that's okay. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I know there's plenty of times where it depends on what. In this case, I probably would have said something if, you know, I would have said like, Hey, this is not the match for me, you know, for whatever reason. Yeah, but in other cases I've ghosted if it's very, you know, early on in the conversation or I kind of realize sometimes I overlook something in their profile. Like for instance, if they have kids for me like that is not I would prefer not to date someone that has kids and there's nothing wrong with that. I actually have multiple friends that don't mind at all. They either don't have kids, but they love kids and they they're getting older and they fully recognize that the person they're dating may have kids and they are all about it. Yeah. Or I have friends that are married, divorced and have kids and they would prefer to marry or to date someone that also has kids and that understands that. So there's like there's definitely people out there for people that do have kids. But for me, um, I'm, it's just I'm not sure if I really want to have kids. And so that's something that's still like I'm a little unsure about. And so dating someone that has kids, I'm like, Oh.

Christina: [00:46:05] I've heard from some friends that a lot of people are on these apps and are married and they are not upfront about that. Have you do you have any experience with that?

Carlyn: [00:46:17] I don't have any experience talking with anyone that's married. I have seen a lot of profiles of couples, um, or people that are say, yes, there are some that are just, um, like saying they're married but they have a open relationship. I've seen that on the bio. Um, so that, that's good that they're up there up front. But other than that, I haven't, I haven't matched or talked with anyone that is married. But you're talking about if they're trying to get a divorce soon.

Christina: [00:46:46] Or, or well like that they have gone out with, with people, they're on the date. They have no like as far as they're concerned, they're not married. But then they find out they're married. Just getting to know them more. Yeah. And that's and then they're like, oh, well, you're married. Well, I'm out. I'm out. Like, you can't do this. But, but wait, wait. To the point. They wouldn't find out until they were actually on the, the date face to face with them. Um, and I just was curious about if that was like something you ran into, like because a friend I was speaking with seemed to say it was very, very common here.

Carlyn: [00:47:25] Really?

Christina: [00:47:26] Yeah.

Carlyn: [00:47:27] Luckily not.

Christina: [00:47:28] Okay, well, that's good. Maybe you should keep an eye out for that. I'm just giving you a tip. As a non-expert.

Carlyn: [00:47:34] I will say that I am very good at stalking people.

Christina: [00:47:40] Oh, this is great. Oh, my God. So you mean you're a good creeper? You're a.

Carlyn: [00:47:46] I'm basically an FBI agent. I So that's another pro of being on the dating apps is you really get to know a lot about someone based on just their profile. As we talked about their religion, politics. They even can say on their profile, you know, if they're looking for relationship or if they're looking for something casual, whatever, There's a lot of things on their profile. Um, but also you can take the time to fully stalk them all you want. And a lot of divorce records are online. I remember talking to one guy that he was. He had just gotten divorced. Um, and, but he had, I can't remember, he had said something that made me curious, but he didn't say that he was divorced. And anyways, but then I was able to figure out his last name. Um, and I saw that he was, you know, divorced or whatever, which is, you know, again, not a huge deal at this point in my life. I feel like a lot of, especially when you start entering your 30s and some people will be divorced. Um, but, but yeah, so you can find that out. You can stalk their Facebook, Instagram. I mean, in this digital age, there's so much.

Christina: [00:48:56] Actually this is yeah, I mean I'm starting to see all the pros know to, to having this information up front because like, you know, if you just meet someone at a bar and then you know nothing about them, especially if you're under the influence of something, right? And you take them home and then the next day you find out more about them and you're like, Oh my God, what was I thinking? And so it's I think it'd be great to have all this information up front as somebody who likes to have. 

Carlyn: [00:49:27] Yeah, you can check their Facebook to see if they've made any weird posts that are like.

Christina: [00:49:32] Offensive.

Carlyn: [00:49:32] Or. Yeah, exactly. Um, I go really hard because honestly, for me, for, for stalking, it's almost just like a fun thing that like, the more I find out the, it's just like a, it's just kind of fun if I'm bored and you should.

Christina: [00:49:48] Stop saying stalking. It's background research. Okay?

Carlyn: [00:49:51] Yeah, sure.

Christina: [00:49:52] But although it would be funny if you started an agency that was just called Stalker and this was your, you know, this was your main job. Um.

Carlyn: [00:50:02] Yeah. Recently, one of my friends, she went out with this guy and from the Dating apps, and she was. She was telling me about it. And before she met up with him and she's like, I just can't tell. Like, he just seemed a little weird. Like in his messages, how he was replying seemed just a little off. And and then he had never had sushi or coffee. It was like this weird thing. She's like, This just seems really weird that someone's never had sushi or coffee before. And just like all these things, you find out these random things on dating apps because it's just like the prompts and just through random conversation you kind of find out these like things that aren't important a lot of the time. But um, anyways, and I was like, Oh, well, no problem, I'll stalk him. Like, just send me the screenshots of his profile and I'll figure out everything about him. Amazing. And she did. And I was able, like she said, he was in a kickball league and so I was able to like go to the kickball league's website and like, I found pictures of him in this group. So like I was like, okay, that's for sure. True. And I found the name of the kickball league, but for some reason I could not find him like his name and his or his last name. And I was like, this is this is it was really frustrating me. And then so I ended up not being able to give her any information because usually people do come to me. They're like, look, his name is David and and his last name is Smith. So like, I have no idea, you know, with such a basic name like that, like, how am I? And then I'm like, Oh, no problem. And I like, send them screenshots of like, all this stuff. Like, I've already figured it all out. But, um, with this guy really frustrated me. And then she went on the date and guess what? His name wasn't his. His name on the profile wasn't his actual name. So that's why I couldn't stalk him.

Christina: [00:51:39] And so why would he do that? Is he hiding something?

Carlyn: [00:51:42] Well, he said that his friends, his last name is that name. Um, so it was Dale. The name was Dale.

Christina: [00:51:51] And was it Dale Murray? My husband.

Carlyn: [00:51:55] Oh, right.

Christina: [00:51:56] Engineer of this podcast.

Carlyn: [00:51:57] Right. Uh oh.

Christina: [00:52:00] You are good at this.

Carlyn: [00:52:01] Yeah. And so I guess his I don't his first name is. I'm not going to say his first name, but just in case, you know, no one don't have anyone stalking this person. But. 

Christina: [00:52:12] Do you need us to change your the tone of your voice and. 

Carlyn: [00:52:16] Right! 

Christina: [00:52:16] For this entire. My name is Barlyn.

Carlyn: [00:52:21] Yeah. Darlin.

Christina: [00:52:23] Yeah, Darlin Oswald. 

Carlyn: [00:52:25] Yeah.But anyways. And so I was like, well, that's why. But usually it was, yeah, I don't know. It was just kind of like a fun thing for me. But it comes with the caveat that when I'm on these dates, I can't reveal anything I already know. So I'll be like, Oh, so tell me about your family. Like, do you have any siblings? Even though I've already figured out who his parents are and his siblings and yeah, yeah. So I have to be like, Yeah, yeah. Tell me about, you know, or like, you know, we're,

Christina: [00:52:56] Where'd you grow up?

Carlyn: [00:52:57] What town do you live in? Yeah. Where all those things that have to remember like, okay that's the other thing about dating apps is tough is because you're having all these conversations, it's like you're saturated with these these conversations and some of them just die off. Um, you know, just could be a couple messages and it just like there's just nothing left to be said and they just kind of die. And that happens. Um, others are more in depth and then like, but you're having all these conversations and if you're dating a lot like you, you have to kind of give yourself a little summary before the date of who you're meeting. 

Christina: [00:53:32] So you don't get messed up.

Carlyn: [00:53:34] Yeah, because there's, there's been some times I remember going on a date and the guy was like, Oh yeah, I told you about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm thinking and I have like, pretty good memory. And I was like, No, you definitely didn't tell me about any of this, but I was just like, Oh yeah, because I was just like, I'm not going to like, let's just not even worth bringing up the fact that no, you obviously think about a different date. Mhm. Um, but I like to go through the messages that we've, we've, you know, sent on the apps and then just kind of give myself a little summary and then make sure to look at their photos one last time because nothing's worse than like not recognizing the you're like looking around trying to find him and he's like right there and yeah, awkward. And that is it is really hard meeting up and you know you don't know if you should be like, oh I'll be the girl in the red sweater or Yes, you know, if you just are going to pretend like you're totally going to know what the person's going to look like, um.

Christina: [00:54:25] So what would be a safe first place, first date, place to go? Like, I mean, I'm thinking I might not want to go on a long hike with a stranger where they could push me into the bush and murder me like so publicly. Definitely not.

Carlyn: [00:54:44] Okay. Yes, I. So I would say so. My rule is definitely. No, no one's going to pick you up from your house. We're going to meet there. Oh, yeah. Drive separately. Good idea. And for me, um, yeah, definitely. No, movies like movies are just awkward one. I'm not a big movie person, but also, just like a first date, you just, like, sit and watch a movie for two hours. Like, in silence.

Christina: [00:55:08] Yeah. Don't get to know each other.

Carlyn: [00:55:09] Yeah. So people think of that as sometimes, like, a traditional date idea, but just probably not. Probably not for the first, like, five dates, to be honest.

Christina: [00:55:17] Wait till you're making out. Like, wait till you're holding hands and you can just, you know.

Carlyn: [00:55:21] Exactly. Yeah. And, um. Yeah, no hikes, walks if it's like a public park, maybe. But honestly.

Christina: [00:55:31] I don't know. I just think Ted Bundy, like, he managed to get these women into his car somehow in public places. So I'm.

Carlyn: [00:55:40] Exactly. And I will say so my probably like one of my go to's is getting a drink. But there's, there's there's kind of some pros and cons to that as well. So getting a drink is great because it's just, you know, if the if it's a really bad date, you can cut out and, you know, let's just say the person pays for you whatever they're out $8 or something for like a drink. Yeah. Um, or, I mean, if it's really bad and you just want it, like, you could just pay for the drinks yourself and, like, you're out, you know, cheap, whatever. Yeah, very cheap. But also, if it goes great, you can always, like, start off with a drink and then go to dinner because dinner is just like, you know, a lot of time. It's going to be a sit down restaurant, there's going to be a server. It's just it's a very like if you guys aren't really clicking, it's just it's hard to get out of quickly. Um, or there's like some casual spots you could go to if it's like a food truck or something. Sure.

Christina: [00:56:33] That to me would be good because it's like low commitment. Like this is going to be fairly quick. We're going to eat this and then if you hit it off, you're going to talk and do something else. But if it gets like, awkward, you could be like, Well, we're done our tacos. Like, yeah, exactly. You know, there's no waiter to wait for you.

Carlyn: [00:56:53] Exactly.

Christina: [00:56:54] Now, you know, can we, can we mention because we can edit this out if you want. Can we mention that you are currently or recently dating two people at the same time?

Carlyn: [00:57:03] Is that. Oh, of course, yes. We could definitely talk about that.

Christina: [00:57:06] This is this was not something that was ever really done in my my friends or like it just wasn't done. But I. I do hear that people the dating now is like you're just dating. It's not serious unless you've said to each other we are exclusive. Is that what's going on like because especially people my age that are just going into this now need to know this and be prepared. Like you might not be the only one that that person is dating.

Carlyn: [00:57:38] I personally don't try to date two people at once, and in this case I was messaging one person, but it was kind of over the break, a holiday break. And so I was home for the holidays for about two weeks. And usually when I'm home, I really just don't message that much.

Christina: [00:57:56] In Austin, you mean?

Carlyn: [00:57:57] Yes, in Austin. Yeah. And, um, and, you know, I'm not really on my phone a whole bunch. And so this person, I think we matched and maybe I sent him a message because I'm bumble if you match you like the woman has to send a message or the match goes away. So I sent him a message and then he was messaging me back. But like, honestly, it was like every few days I would respond, Um, and then I basically didn't respond to him for like a week. And then finally I came home and I was like, Oh yeah, there's that guy. Um, and this was during the first week I was home and I was, I also was messaging this other guy. And um, so I was messaging both of them and they both wanted to meet up and I'm like, Oh, okay. But I'm thinking this happens actually more often than you'd think. But I didn't think both of them would be good dates. So it was one weekend I met up with one guy on Saturday and the second guy on Sunday.

Christina: [00:58:52] Hey, you know, it's a good weekend.

Carlyn: [00:58:54] Yeah, it was. Yeah. And the both of them were good dates. So then I was like, Oh, I'm kind of conflicted. But both of these, these guys were. Yeah, very insistent on, like, oh, like, let's, you know, when the next time you're free. And I kept on being like, I'm a very busy person because I am busy. But it's also hard to like, it's also because I'm busy couple people. Yeah, sorry. Exactly. And um, so I went on a second date with that. The guy from Sunday. I went on a. Date with him over the weekend. And I was like, Oh, this guy is actually really cool because like, I was focusing so much on the second guy or the first guy, I'm probably confusing.

Christina: [00:59:36] You're getting them confused or you're getting them confused because you're just it's too many, too many guys. Yeah.

Carlyn: [00:59:41] So anyways, it's, it's, it's been a lot and I. 

Christina: [00:59:46] Are you still, are you still dating either of them?

Carlyn: [00:59:49] I'm dating both of them, I guess. Yeah. But, you know, dating is, you know, the word dating. It's like, are we dating or are we just going on dates? I hate to say dating because it's like it seems like, so serious. Um, which I'm interested in, you know, relationship and building something that's serious. But I feel like there's so much to know about someone first before, like, kind of even getting anywhere close to that. Yeah. Um, so I kind of call them just like, dates, but I have to, I feel like I have to maybe say something to one of them or be like, Hey, by the way, like, I'm not, I am dating more than one person. I don't know. I feel like I should say it because I have a feeling that these guys are I don't think they're dating anyone else, so they're just like, When's the next time we're hanging out? Like. Like the.

Christina: [01:00:36] Yeah, maybe. Okay, so maybe it's time to say that. To say, uh.

Carlyn: [01:00:41] Maybe I'll just send them the link to this podcast.

Christina: [01:00:43] Yes, that's a good point.

Carlyn: [01:00:46] Modern day dating is can be as serious as you want it to be. Some people use the dating apps like just because they they just want like you know company or like to hang out and.

Christina: [01:00:56] Some people just want to get laid.

Carlyn: [01:00:58] Yeah there's plenty of that And you know, for me it's like, yeah, I'm just very independent. So even though I am looking for a relationship and I am interested in seriously dating at the same time, if I'm not like 100% about someone, I don't really need them to be around. You know, like the tough thing about dating apps is I think people assume that you're on this like the same wavelength a lot of the time when people are so different on what they're looking for or and they and don't even it's not even worth asking the what are you looking for? Question.

Christina: [01:01:32] It could change. Like how do you even sometimes you don't even know what you want and yeah, um, but, but the one thing I do know is that if there's any, like, you know, for listeners to like, if they're, if if companionship is something you want, maybe either friendship or more than that, if you don't do something about it, you will not reap the benefits. Like you have to put yourself out there and that and you know, there is going to be risk and just know that it won't kill you unless you go on a long walk with a stranger who is a sociopath. Um, then, you know, murder is probably not going to be the issue and that would be the worst scenario. So I'm doing a terrible job of encouraging people to. 

Carlyn: [01:02:20] I know I did see something in the news about some guy that, like, locked if it was a Bumble date, he locked the girl in his house and wouldn't let her leave, wouldn't let her drink water or eat like five days and she had to escape. It was insane. That can happen.

Christina: [01:02:37] That can happen. Yeah. If you don't try, you'll never know, you know? Indeed. Get out there. Get out there. Give it a shot. And then. And then call my heartbeat hotline and let us know how it went for you,

Carlyn: [01:02:50] Please.

Christina: [01:02:50] Yeah.

Song 'I Don't Want to Say Goodbye to You': [01:02:59] (Music playing in background) It's love. I don't want to say goodbye to you. Oh, I don't want to say goodbye to you.

Heartbeat Hotline: [01:03:13] Welcome to the Heartbeat Hotline. One 902 6694769. I'm the host of a chat with Heart podcast, Christina martin. And I'm so excited you called. Leave me your question suggestion for the podcast or a comment about this episode. Please be aware your message may be used on the podcast and social media. Tell me your name, where you're calling from, and it's also fine if you want to remain anonymous. Thanks for listening. Have a great fucking day.

Christina: [01:03:47] Thanks for listening to A Chat with Heart Podcast, produced and written by me, Christina Martin, and co-produced and engineered by Dale Murray. Check out Dale's website dalemurray.ca. The podcast theme song, Talk About It, and I Don't Want to Say Goodbye to You were written by me and recorded by Dale Murray. You can find my music on Bandcamp and all the places you stream music. Visit my Patreon page to become a monthly or yearly supporter of this podcast and my music endeavours. If you're new to Patreon, it's a membership platform that helps creators get paid. Sign up at patreon.com/christinamartin. I would love it if you had time to share, rate, leave a review and subscribe to A Chat with Heart on all the places you listen to podcasts. Wishing you, my little heartbeats, a great day.